First Date from Hell
by caylender
Summary: Just a Lunatic Fringe and a girl on their first date, what could go wrong? Answer: everything! From Seth and Roman stalking the couple and moonlighting as singing waiters to obsessed fans, wanting autographs to a crazy Chef who won't let the establishment keep him down, nothing goes according to plan... Expect humor and fluff. Coauthored with Captainbartholomew
1. Prologue

This follows after Sardines and Sprinkles. It's not really necessary to read it to understand this fic, but that one details how Dean meets Lynn in the first place, so it might be helpful. :)

So, after posting Sardines and Sprinkles, I received one of the sweetest reviews ever from Zanderlover, which not only made my-like-month, but also inspired this fic. In the review, Zanderlover requested that I write a multi-chaptered fic with the OC from that one shot and Dean. I initially was very flattered but ultimately was going to dismiss that idea since I don't really write romance. However, after Captainbartholomew and I talked about the request and my reluctance to fulfill it, we ended up outlining an entire fic about Lynn and Dean's first date... So alas, with some amazing encouragement from Captain, here we are. Captain ended up writing this prologue and since she also had a heavy hand in this fic's plot and direction, I'm pretty much saying she's a coauthor. Since she's the Captain, you can call me Admiral... Never mind, never call me that!

 **Blame/Inspiration:** Obviously, Captainbartholomew... But also Zanderlover as well!

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own the WWE or anything really recognizable. I do own Cayla and Lynn... Or I own Lynn and Captain owns Cayla since she introduced her to this fic... Ehh, details.

 **Aside:** I know this prologue is like OC! OC! But hang on there; Dean is just around the corner (more literally in the first chapter.)

* * *

Cayla couldn't believe what she was seeing. Her best friend trudged toward her with frazzled hair, ripped jeans, and yet a smile was plastered across her face. It wasn't a fake smile nor was it her 'I'm going to kill you in your sleep' smile either; it was a genuine, happy smile. As the young woman approached Cayla, she handed her a coffee cup. Cayla tried to contain her enthusiasm while the other woman took a seat beside her at the small table in the local coffee joint. Cayla just wanted to launch into a tirade of questions and once her best friend did that she did exactly that.

"How was it, Lynn?! Was he giant sweetheart? Did he bring you flowers? Did he bring you chocolate? Was SETHIE there? God, tell me he was there! I MUST KNOW, LYNN!" Cayla shouted as Lynn gave her the side eye. Cayla turned to find the whole coffee shop was now staring at her as she cleared her throat, smoothed the absent frills in her clothing, and slowly sat down taking note of the shit-eating grin on Lynn's face.

"You're enjoying this; aren't you?" Cayla questioned as Lynn shrugged at her, currently amused by the situation and chuckling to herself.

"So are you feeling okay?" questioned Lynn. "Yesterday you were telling me to not even go out with the guy."

Cayla returned Lynn's shrug from earlier. "Well, the man does stick forks in people for a living…"

"That was only one time and you know it, Cay," Lynn answered, "And you of all people know that was a gimmick."

"Hey, I'm the best friend and I have to protect you at all costs from whatever psycho comes along," answered Cayla. "But seriously, how as the date?"

Lynn looked down at her coffee cup and mumbled something unintelligible, so Cayla couldn't hear her. The other young woman give her a falsely innocent look and cleared her throat indicating Lynn needed to speak up about what she was saying while Lynn gave the other woman a deathly glare.

"A giant cluster fuck," Lynn answered.

"That bad," Cayla asked as Lynn nodded. "Do I dare ask what happened?"

Lynn took a deep breath and decided to detail Cayla with her story of the first date from hell with the Lunatic Fringe, Dean Ambrose. She almost didn't know where to start with the over protective father, singing surrogate brothers who moonlighted as waiters in their free time, or any of the other outrageous things that happened to her last night?

"I should have known it was going to be a long night especially when I found out that he ran into my dad. I think both he and I knew that was the beginning of the end, right then and there."

* * *

Please, R&R. I have the entire thing written so I'll post the next section whenever I get the fancy to do so... Or maybe sooner than later since I have no sense of patience.


	2. Chapter 1: Meet the Cow!

**Disclaimer** : I don't own them; don't sue me. Any complaints, take them up with Captainbartholomew. It's probably her fault unless it's mine.

 **Author's Notes** : Don't really have anything to say except I couldn't wait to post this... yeah...

* * *

Dean pulled the rental car into the driveway and sat in the driver's seat for a few moments. He nervously straightened the blazer he was wearing. It really wasn't his typical style, but Seth had insisted that it was perfect for the night.

He studied the house in front of him as though ninjas would pop out from various vantage points and attack his rental car. He was fairly nervous for the night. But the house was older and very welcoming to Dean, who instantly could sense the 'real home' vibe he got from the house. As someone who frequented hotel rooms and arenas for a living, he could always appreciate a true home. Behind the house, he could see a barn with several smaller pens that housed cows.

Finally, Dean wandered out of his car towards the first little enclosure. When he reached the fence, the cows instantly skittered back away from him. He clucked his tongue and held out his hand. "Here cow, here cow!"

The few cows just stared at Dean with varying degrees of suspicion.

"Here Betsy! Here Daisy!"

One of them moo'd at him.

"Here Rump Roast! Here Burger with extra bacon!"

One of the heifers stepped forward and touched her nose to Dean's hand.

"Really? You answer to Burger?" Dean patted the cow's head and neck before he took out his phone and tried to snap a picture of the cow to send to Seth because he knew that his brother loved dogs. And what were cows if not very large dogs?

Dean sent the picture to Seth, and he felt more than slightly proud of the fact that only a quarter of the picture was covered by his thumb. That was an improvement for him.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" Dean turned slowly and saw a tall man with a beard heading towards him, holding a gun.

Dean raised his hands up. "Hey, don't shoot me! I'm just here to pick up Lynn for dinner. At least, I think I'm at the right place…"

The man gave Dean a funny look. "Shoot you?" He asked, incredulously. Then he seemed to remember the gun he was oh-so casually holding. He laughed and held up the gun. "It's just a pellet gun for the neighbor's chickens! I have to scare them off, or they'll eat the cows' feed."

Dean grinned. "That's a relief."

The man nodded. "Just don't give me any reason to wanna have a little target practice with the man, who's taking my daughter out."

Holy shit, this man that apparently was Lynn's dad was threatening to shoot him, like he was one of the neighbor's chickens. Dean nodded, wide-eyed. "Understood, sir."

"Well, I guess you can call me Don."

Dean nodded, slightly nervously and shook the hand that wasn't holding the gun. "Dean"

"Now Lynn is getting ready. She's running late cause we had a cow calve, so why don't we head inside while we wait?" Dean nodded and followed Lynn's dad into the farm house and in turn into the living room.

Lynn's dad plopped down into a recliner and leaned the pellet gun against his knee. "So you're the famous Dean Ambrose?"

Dean grinned as he sat down on the couch, facing the intimidating man. "Yeah, I almost forgot that you're a wrestling fan."

"Yeah, I've been watching for years. Probably longer than you've been alive."

"Who's your favorite wrestler?"

Don considered. "Stone Cold. But currently, I'd have to say the Wyatt Family."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "The Wyatts, really?"

"You bet."

Dean eyed Don's borderline long and kind of bushy beard. "Is it the beards?"

Don snorted. "The beards? You really are an odd one. No, they're entertaining to watch. Bray knows how to work a crowd. And their entrance is the best in the WWE right now… But the beards are impressive."

Dean grinned. "Oh yeah? So what do you think about me?" Dean was probably poking a hornet's nest with a fork with this question, but sometimes he lacked common sense.

Lynn's dad considered his question for a moment. "I liked you all right when you were in the Shield. You did just sit on that US Championship for too long, but you were all right. Now I really think that the company is wasting you now that the Shield is over." The man paused. "I think, you're an odd duck, and you need a haircut."

Dean frowned and scratched his head self consciously. Then he shrugged. "Fair enough."

"Son of a…" All of the sudden, Don went from watching Dean to looking out the bay window into the front yard. Dean looked out, too, and saw something that was genuinely more frightening than the hairballs that Roman left in the shower drain.

Up the driveway in a large unified front marched an army of angry poultry. The neighbor's chickens had returned. There weren't just a couple, or half a dozen, or even a dozen. There were probably around fifty or so hens heading towards the barn. While one would occasionally pause to peck at the ground, none would stray completely from the army. The land fowl definitely had a plan.

"What the hell?"

"It's those stupid chickens again!"

The chickens all turned together and headed past the window around the house. "This is normal?"

Don glared out the window before he checked the clip of the pellet gun. "Those chickens pull this crap almost every day."

Dean's eyes were opened wide. "But is this normal for them? They look…organized?"

Don had a dark expression on his face. "They are. Well, it was nice meeting you, Dean. I don't care that you're a famous wrestler; remember, if you hurt my daughter, the manure spreader is the perfect spot for stashing things you don't want to be found. And the natural stench will camouflage anything."

Dean mouth dropped open in alarm.

Don looked at him and grinned. "Now I have to take care of a poultry problem." He clapped a hand on Dean's solder and walked out the front door. Dean watched him as he passed by the bay window and disappeared around the side of the house.

"What the hell? And people think I'm unhinged." Dean shook his head.

Dean drummed his hands on his thighs as he waited in the living room. Soon his attention was captured by a painting on one of the walls. It was of a black and white cow, standing upright in a velvet waistcoat. The cow gazed stoically off in the distance. Dean stared at the cow, feeling uncomfortable and oddly exposed. The way the artist had rendered the cow's gaze made it seem as though it was staring straight at Dean. The cow wanted to steal his soul.

Dean vowed not to blink.

If he didn't blink, then the cow wouldn't win.

If he didn't blink, then he would keep his soul.

"What are you doing?"

Dean tore his eyes away from the terrifying cow painting and looked at the entry way, where Lynn now stood.

"The cow is evil. I think it wants to steal my soul."

Lynn raised an eyebrow but otherwise looked entirely unimpressed. "It's just a cow…"

"It's smart. I think it probably took over its farm. You can tell cause its wearing its old owner's clothes."

"Okay," Lynn said dragging out the word to show she clearly didn't buy what Dean was saying.

Dean shrugged. "I swear it's evil."

"I guess you're not the first person to think that," she said with a smile.

Dean grinned back at her, feeling oddly content at seeing her smile. "You look really nice, Lynn."

Lynn blushed and straightened her coral top and knee length skirt. "Thanks, I decided against jeans and thought that I'd dress up for you."

Dean smirked. "I appreciate it. You do look amazing."

Lynn's blush intensified. "Thanks"

"So are you ready to head out?"

Lynn nodded. "Yeah. One of the heifers is close to calving and probably will sometime tonight. I talked to my dad, and he said that he's leaving pretty soon, too, but one of the farm hands will be here while we are out, so we're covered."

She picked up her purse from a little end table and followed Dean out to his rental.

As they settled into the car, Lynn asked, "Do you have anywhere in mind?"

"I made reservations at some place."

Lynn paused. "You made reservations?"

Dean shrugged and pulled out of the driveway. "Yeah, I wanted to take you to a diner, but Seth told me that it wouldn't be appropriate for the first date…so we're getting Italian. That okay with you?"

Lynn nodded and looked impressed. "That's actually perfect. I was actually in Italy for a school trip, and I loved the food there."

Dean grinned. "So Skunk Head actually was right for once."

Lynn shook her head at Dean's nickname for Seth. "Speaking of Seth, was he your fashion inspiration tonight? I mean, you look great! You really do! But I just don't think I've ever seen you in a blazer before."

Dean was wearing an Ambrose Asylum T-shirt with a grey blazer over it and a pair of dark skinny jeans. He fidgeted slightly in the driver's seat. "He might have picked out my clothes…and the skinny jeans are his…"

Lynn laughed. "I can tell."

"I hate these pants. I hate skinny jeans. They make me feel like I'm…Seth," Dean grumbled.

Lynn shook her head. "They look great though."

"Yeah?"

"Uh huh, you actually looked pretty BA."

Dean grinned. "That's more like it."

Lynn smiled. "So my dad said he talked to you. He didn't traumatize you, did he?"

Dean pictured the manure spreader and shrugged. "Nah, wasn't that much worse than an opponent's promo."

Lynn looked at him wide eyed. "Oh my god, he threatened to shoot you and hide your body in the manure spreader, didn't he?"

Dean eyed her suspiciously as he navigated the rental. "How'd you know that?"

"He's my dad. I know him pretty well…"

Dean shrugged. "Wasn't too bad. It was interesting, and it's not like I booked it out of there after talking to him."

Lynn laughed. "I guess so."

* * *

Please, leave me a review. :) If you do, Dean will send you a picture of a cow...You might not see the cow because of the thumb in front of the camera lens...


	3. Chapter 2: Crazy Stalker Fans

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own anything...

* * *

The restaurant was very fancy. As the two walked inside, Dean was relieved that Roman had made him make reservations beforehand and that Seth had forced him to wear nicer clothes.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah. Reservation for Ambrose?"

The host scanned the list on the desk. "Ah yes, right this way, Mr. Ambrose."

Lynn and Dean followed the host. Along the way to the table, Dean noticed a waiter with curly shoulder length hair darting away and ducking behind a large, bushy plant. Dean did a double take. He could have sworn the guy had been Seth … He shrugged and pulled out Lynn's chair for her. Eh, that was impossible; Seth wasn't a waiter. He made enough in the WWE that he didn't need to pick up a second job.

He sat down and grinned at Lynn. "So tell me about Italy. Was this during college or after you graduated?"

Lynn smiled. "It was during school. Well, there was this one time I got lost in Florence. Actually, it was New Year's Day…"

Meanwhile about ten feet over from the table were two large potted plants. One of which just twitched.

"Ow!" The plant jumped.

"What?" The leaves ruffled on the other plant.

"This stupid thing has thorns!" The plant shivered. "That actually hurt. They went right into my finger tips."

"Jeez, Roman, stop being such a big baby and focus on the plan."

"This is so stupid…"

* * *

 _Back at the table_

Lynn stared at Dean in horror. "You put what on your pizza?"

"Pickles, I swear it's the best."

Lynn wrinkled her nose. "That sounds horrible. I can't believe you think that's better than toast with peanut butter and oatmeal."

Dean shrugged. "What can I say? I'm not a fan of oatmeal."

"Hey, is it me, or do those plants over there look weird?"

Dean studied the two potted plants. "Huh"

Lynn said, "The one on the right keeps twitching. Maybe it's the air conditioning…but I don't see a vent over there."

The bushy plant jolted again.

"Yeah, I see what you mean." Then Dean shrugged. "I swear I saw a waiter hide behind one before. Maybe it's a weird Italian waiter ritual."

Lynn laughed. "I don't think that's a thing."

"And the weirdest part was that he looked like Seth's long lost twin brother!"

"Really? Did he have the blonde streak, too?"

"A little dinky one! Must be like an extreme stalker, who saw that Seth was growing his blonde out, so he's doing the same thing…" Dean paused and seemed to contemplate what he was saying before a horrified expression was adapted on his face.

Lynn frowned. "An extreme stalker? Is that a normal thing? Has that happened before?"

Dean scratched his chin. "Yeah, there was this whole doppelganger incident; a crazy fan was planning on stealing his life, taking his place kind of thing… The guy just attracts the crazies. His whole _betrayal_ thing doesn't really help the situation."

Lynn shook her head. "I guess it wouldn't. People just freak me out; they take the storylines too seriously."

Dean nodded. "Tell me about it. I should text the weirdo and tell him he has another crazy, obsessed stalker…or maybe I should tell Roman instead."

Lynn raised an eyebrow. "Why would you tell Roman instead of Seth?"

Dean smirked. "You've met him, so you should know. The guy is a total mother hen! Seth tends to not take these stalkers as seriously as he should, so if I tell Roman who'll overreact, we'll get some added security and maybe a restraining order."

Lynn shook her head. "You sound like you've pulled this stunt before."

Dean's smirk grew. "About a hundred times."

Dean pulled out his phone to text Roman when the waiter stopped by to take their drink order.

* * *

 _Back by the Plants_

"Shut up! This was your idea in the first place! I didn't even want to do this plan!"

The thick hedge-like plant bristled. "Liar. You told me that the best place to hide was behind these stupid things. I was just-"

 **"Sierra, Hotel, India, Echo, Lima, Delta: Shield"**

"Roman, shut that thing off!"

Roman scrambled with his cell phone, trying to mute the volume as the guitar riffs for _Special Op_ began playing. The phone slipped out of his hands and flew away from him and over to Seth, where it smashed into his face.

"What the hell, man?" Seth griped rubbing his nose.

"Sorry, bro, it was an accident."

Seth grumbled under his breath as he handed the now silent phone back to Roman. "Just don't chuck it at me again."

Roman rolled his eyes and checked the phone. He frowned. "Seth? What the heck? I thought we talked about this and you promised that you would be better at telling me about these people."

Seth frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Dean just texted me and said that you have another crazy fan, who looks exactly like you!"

Seth rolled his eyes.

"Take this seriously! People are dangerous!"

"Ro, when did he say he saw this guy?"

Roman glanced down at his phone. "Tonight, he said that the guy was a waiter at this restaur… oh"

"Yeah"

"So that was you…"

"Yeah"

"Well, that's good…"

"Yeah"

"What on earth are you two doing?" A young, petite blonde was looming over the two wrestlers, looking annoyed.

Seth and Roman froze and exchange frantic looks. Roman made a vague hand gesture at Seth. Seth raised an eyebrow. Really, Roman was pinning their cover story on him? "Um, we were just- ah…"

"Oh, you were preparing weren't you?"

Seth and Roman stared at the young blonde waitress. "Yes?"

She laughed. "I know they said you were eccentric, but hey, if it works, why doubt it, right?"

Seth nodded cautiously. "Exactly."

She shook her head and patted Seth's head. "Oh Mario, if you weren't the best, authentic Italian singer this side of the Atlantic, you would've been fired years ago."

Seth froze. "I, what? Singer?"

Roman was stifling chuckles with his hand. "Yeah, _Mario_ "

The waitress giggled. "I forgot how much of a jokester you were." She shook her head and turned to Roman. "And Alfredo! I have the spare accordion for you. I heard about that horrible accident with your normal instrument; I just can't believe a wood chipper can do that sort of thing!"

Roman startled and stared at her with his mouth slightly open.

Seth sniggered. "Yeah, why don't you get your accordion, _Alfredo_."

The waitress held out her hand for Roman to help him up, and she started pulling him towards the back of the restaurant. "I didn't realize how handsome you were. I don't know why, but I always picture fat, pink faced geezers, playing the accordion - not someone as hot as you."

Seth rolled his eyes and stood on his own. Figures, the Roman Empire was alive and flourishing. Anywhere they went, women were more than happy to help out Roman Reigns. But Seth Rollins? He didn't get that same treatment, especially when he was with his older brother. He casually followed Roman and the blonde waitress to the back and glanced at Dean's table. Well, they looked like they were having a good time at least.

* * *

 _Back at the Table_

Dean froze when he heard the Shield's theme song blare from somewhere in the restaurant. Then he scowled. "Really?"

"What's wrong?"

"No matter where I go, there are always some fans that recognize me. Watch, I bet there's some weirdo hanging around, taunting us with _Special Op_ just to get a reaction. We're probably going to get bombarded with autograph requests soon."

Lynn frowned. "Or someone just forgot to turn their phone onto silent. I'm sure we're fine here."

Dean smiled. "Maybe you're right."

Dean began to reach his hand over to where Lynn's was resting on the table when a group of women and a balding man came running up to their table.

"Dean!"

"Dean!"

"Dean!"

Dean and Lynn flinched as several cameras began flashing. And one of the women shoved a picture of Dean in his ring gear into Dean's face. "I want an autograph!"

The balding man was holding at least five different action figures in boxes and a stack of photos. "I demand that you sign all of these."

One of the women with red hair and a low cut top winked at Dean. "I want you to sign somewhere else, Titty Master."

Lynn blinked in a shell shocked manner while Dean shook his head. "Sorry folks, we're in the middle of something. It's not a good time for this. "

One of the women put her hands on her hips. "Oh my god! Can you believe how rude he is in real life?"

One of the other women crossed her arms. "He's known for being a diva!"

Dean looked appalled. Finally, Lynn found her voice. "I'm sorry everyone. This isn't the right place for this. There are couples here who want to have a nice dinner. This is rude towards the other guests."

The crazed fans zeroed in on Lynn.

"Oh look," the red head scoffed, "this must be his bimbo for the night!"

Lynn bristled. "Excuse me?"

The other women tittered while the red head smirked and preened with all of the attentions the others were giving her. The balding man looked faintly uncomfortable. The red head then said, "I heard rumors that Ambrose really was into ring rats…"

"Really? I'm the ring rat?" Lynn stood up and Dean mirrored her.

"I know a ring rat when I see one!"

Lynn began to wind up to punch the red head. Dean rushed over to stand behind Lynn, and he grabbed her by the arms gently. "Darling, she's not worth it."

Thankfully, at this time, their waiter showed up with several other staff members to begin to escort the fans out. Dean let go of Lynn as one of the buff busboys had to actually seize the redhead's arm to lead her out of the restaurant.

Dean noticed that Lynn was shaking slightly. He carefully stepped around her, drew her into a hug, and tucked her head under his chin. "Are you okay?"

He felt her nod. "I think so."

* * *

 _Back with Mario and Alfredo_

"This is horrible. I can't sing. Rock band doesn't count here if you know what I mean. And there's no way in hell that you know how to play the accordion!"

Roman grinned. "Is that a fact, little brother?"

Seth raised his eyebrows. "You play the accordion?"

His grin grew. "I am half Italian."

"No way; prove it then!"

Roman adjusted his grip on the accordion. He schooled his grin into a serious expression and then proceeded to fumble out a few notes before hitting an extremely off key. Throwing his head back and dragging out a final note, Roman then laughed.

"Liar…" Seth then frowned. "But that wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be…"

Roman stopped laughing. "Wait, why are you making that face? You look like you're up to something."

Seth smirked. "Nah, just thinking about what the WWE creative department would do if they saw you now."

Roman pulled a face. "Let's not find out.

Seth laughed before turning serious. "Now, if we can figure out how to get out of this."

The bubbly blonde waitress popped up again. "Perfect! Mario! And mmm, Alfredo… Looks like you're ready to go out there! You'll be serenading guests!"

Seth and Roman exchanged similar looks of horror as they were pushed out from the staff area to the dinning floor.

* * *

So review?


	4. Chapter 3: Epic Sword Fight

So in celebration of Dean holding a title, I decided to update this fic.

 **Disclaimer:** Nope, I still don't own anything really recognizable. It's a shame, really. WWE would most likely become a _Princess Bride_ reenactment (and Roman would get saddled with an accordion) if I only had the power!

* * *

 _Back at the Table_

Dean casually drummed his hands against the table and bit his lip. He couldn't help but feel guilty about the whole fan mishap… That was a horrible thing to deal with on a first date.

He was broken out of his thoughts by their waiter. "Excuse me. Sorry for the interruption."

Lynn smiled. "It's no problem."

The waiter gave them a nervous smile. "My manager and I feel horrible about that entire situation. I know he talked to you earlier, but he wants to let you know that he's insisting on covering your dinner tonight; it's on us. And to further make up for that debacle, he's having the Head Chef make you his specialty, a dish of gnocchi for you."

"Oh, I love gnocchi!" Lynn beamed.

The waiter smiled back, pleased.

"Um thanks, for that. I don't blame the restaurant though. Sometimes fans can be difficult to deal with. It's definitely not your manager's fault." Dean paused before adding, "But if you don't mind, we'll take a bread basket, too."

The waiter nodded enthusiastically. "Of course! I'll be right out with it then!"

As the waiter left, Dean turned to Lynn and asked, "Is that one of the dishes you had in Italy, or does your dad make a mean gnocchi?"

Lynn laughed. "Definitely Italy. I mean, no offense to my dad, but he should stick to pancakes and bacon."

"Your dad makes good breakfast foods?"

"In my opinion, he makes the best."

"You know, I love-"

"Excuse me!" A petite, blonde waitress said, interrupting Dean. "We have a very special performance for you. Presenting the great Mario and his accompaniment, Alfredo! You'll just love them!" She beamed and scurried off.

With some vaguely off-key notes on an accordion, a kind of scratchy voice began singing: "When a moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!"

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Lynn?"

"When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore!"

Lynn couldn't tear her eyes away from the spectacle in front of her. "Why are Seth and Roman moonlighting as singing waiters?"

Dean shook his head. "So I'm not imagining this?"

"Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling, and you'll sing 'Vita bella'"

Lynn shook her head. "Could you make this kind of thing up?"

Dean studied his two brothers. As he sang the out-of-tune lyrics in an exaggerated Italian accent, Seth closed his eyes so tightly that he his brow was furrowed; like he was under the impression that if he didn't see the situation he was in, it didn't exist. On the other hand, Roman had a goofy smile stretched across his face, and he looked to be barely stifling laughter. This only made Dean think that the Powerhouse was enjoying the entire mishap way too much. Slowly Dean nodded. "Good point."

"Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay"

Dean picked up one of the crusts from the bread basket and chucked it at Roman's head. The Powerhouse stopped playing the accordion with a dramatic concluding billowing note and grinned at the couple sheepishly. Seth stopped as soon as his accompaniment ceased. Apparently, he actually needed the off-key, warbling notes to guide his singing.

For good measure, Dean chucked another crust at Seth, who managed to deflect it, and the crust went sailing over to another table. Impressively, it landed in someone's glass of wine, and a loud gasp could be heard from that table.

The four stared at each other for a moment with an awkward silence settling in nicely.

Dean finally broke it. "What the heck are you two doing?"

Seth and Roman exchanged awkward looks and faint blushes. Neither brother wanted to take point for this one.

Lynn smirked at the two men. "Please, don't tell me that you're giving up wrestling for this musical act. I don't think it'll go over well with anyone."

Dean chuckled. "But you can keep the new names. I like Mario and Alfredo!"  
Seth's flush deepened. "We just wanted to…"

"Be here for you, two!" Roman finished for Seth.

"Yeah," Seth agreed, scratching his beard. "It sounds stupid now, but we just wanted to make sure everything went well… We were originally going to run interference and make sure no crazy fans or paparazzi interrupt your dinner, but then that waitress caught us and thought we were someone else."

Roman shrugged. "Apparently we were meant to be tonight's musical act."

Dean gaped at his brothers; he was caught between wanting to throttle them and thinking that their intentions were actually sweet.

Lynn broke the awkward silence. "Well, I guess, we should say thanks for the thought. I know you had good intentions…" Seth and Roman smiled at her. "And this is a good thing, Dean."

Dean glanced at her. "How so?"

Lynn grinned. "It wasn't a stalker fan before; it actually was Seth! No crazy security measures or restraining orders then!"

Dean grinned. "Well, that's a relief."

Seth grabbed Roman's arm. "I think I see your food, coming this way. We'll let you enjoy your dinner in peace." He pulled the Samoan away from the table.

A man sauntered to their table in a tall chef hat and coat with their waiter following behind him. Their poor waiter had a horrified expression on his face and seemed like he was completely out of his depth. The young man looked at Dean and Lynn desperately and took off towards the back of the restaurant.

"Hello! I am the Head Chef of this restaurant! I have prepared a very special dish for you, lovely couple!"

The Head Chef set a covered tray on their table. "It's a delicacy in my native Sardinia! Casu Marzu! A lovely sheep milk cheese!"

Dean frowned."I thought you were making us nocky?"

"Gnocchi," Lynn corrected him.

The Head Chef dramatically shook his head. "I decided against that! It's far too stifling! I've had this cheese preparing for months now! It'll be perfect for you!"

With a flourish, the Head Chef pulled off the tray's cover to reveal…cheese. However, this was no ordinary cheese. Lynn was a proud Wisconsinite, so she could safely say that she knew cheese. This went beyond what she was familiar with. At first glance, it looked to be a fairly creamy texture with a pleasing light yellow. However, a second look would reveal larger chunks in the creamy cheese. Chunks that actually squirmed, moved about, and in some cases, actually jumped.

While it is true that Casu Marzu is a traditional Sardinian sheep milk cheese, it is also true that this cheese is notable for containing live insect larvae. When Casu Marzu is prepared; it goes beyond typical fermentation to a stage most would consider decomposition, brought about by the digestive action of the larvae of the cheese fly. These larvae are deliberately introduced to the cheese and are served along with the cheese.

Dean fought a gag reflex. "We're not eating that. It has maggots!"

The Head Chef was affronted. "But that's part of its charm! The larvae add to the delicacy! Take a nibble!"

He carefully scooped out a spoonful and spread the wormy cheese on a wafer. He then held it out towards Lynn. "For the lovely lady? I can tell that you would love to taste such greatness."

Lynn shook her head and physically backed her chair away from the table and from the cheese. She managed to say; "Dean, I need to use the restroom" before she almost jumped out of her chair and towards the back of the restaurant.

The Head Chef adopted an expression of horror. "I have never been this insulted in my life!"

Dean pulled a face at the Head Chef and glanced back in the direction that Lynn disappeared, worriedly. "I can't believe that you would actually blame her…"

The Head Chef deepened his aghast expression. "It is my pièce de résistance!"

Dean contemplated chucking the entire wormy cheese chunk at the Chef.

"What do you think you're doing? I told you to prepare some gnocchi, not torture them with Casu Marzu! What are you thinking?" The manager appeared with their poor waiter in tow. She had one hand pointing at the Head Chef and the other hand on the young waiter's shoulder.

The Head Chef frowned. "You are trying to stifle my creativity! I will not stand for this outrage! I demand-"

The manager cut him off. "Stop. You're fired. This dish isn't legal in this country. You didn't have my permission to prepare it. Get out of my restaurant."

The Head Chef looked affronted and took off towards the kitchen.

The manager turned to Dean. "I am so sorry about this, Sir. I've never had anything happen like this before…"

* * *

 _On the Opposite End of the Restaurant_

Across the restaurant, Lynn was currently walking back from the Ladies' Room, feeling slightly better after the horrifying maggot incident, when a door to the kitchen swung open and the Head Chef flounced out. Lynn froze and watched as a strange scene unfolded before her.

With alarmed restaurant goers eying him, the Chef dramatically drawled in a heavy Italian accent, "That's it! I quit! I've had enough of the establishment stifling my creativity! Stick to a menu? Bah! Rubbish! Menus are the means, with which the establishment attempts to conform your whims and curb your creative output! My Casu Marzu is a work of art! They say, use a recipe! Preposterous! Recipes are chains that the man tries to tie you down with! But I have no chains to hold me down now!"

His hands, which held a spatula and a butcher knife, flew up over his head. "I reject your rules and regulations! There will be no chains for me!" He then spun around, brandishing the knife and spatula.

Lynn jumped back to avoid being shanked by the knife (and spatula but that didn't seem nearly as threatening at the time). However, avoiding the knife led Lynn to losing her balance and beginning to fall backwards.

Before she could hit the ground, a pair of strong arms caught her. "Are you okay?"

Lynn breathed a sigh of relief."I think so… Roman?"

"Of course, Babygirl, I'll always have your back." Roman chuckled behind her and helped her regain her feet.

Lynn scowled. While she was grateful for the assist, she hated to be called "Babygirl." For whatever reason, that pet name rubbed her the wrong way.

Meanwhile, Seth darted around them and stood in front of the two, berating the overenthusiastic Ex-Head Chef. Lynn wasn't all that sure what the Aerialist was saying because he was speaking relatively quietly, but she could see that he was using a lot of hand gestures, and he looked extremely angry.

Lynn glanced at Roman slightly worriedly and asked, "RoRo, he's not going to kill him, right?"

Roman frowned and bobbed his head side to side, considering. "Most likely not."

"Most likely?"

"Yeah, most likely. Wait, did you just call me, RoRo? What the hell is RoRo?"

"You!"

"What? No! My name's not RoRo!"

"But you answered to it."

"Yeah, but I didn't-" Roman's next statement was interrupted by Seth's triumphant yell.

"HA!" Seth pulled the knife away from the Ex-Head Chef. "This is mine now! I don't trust you with a knife!"

The Ex-Head Chef looked offended. "I haven't cut off any fingers! I'm good with a knife!"

Seth gestured to Lynn with the knife. "You almost stabbed our friend!"  
The Ex-Head Chef jabbed his spatula at Seth in a dramatic fashion. "I have taken too much offense tonight! On guard, my skunky friend!"

Now Seth looked positively furious. "What the hell? I'm growing the blonde out! I'm not a skunk!"

The Ex-Head Chef cackled. "If you say so, Cruella de Vil!"

Seth bellowed and thrust the butcher knife out, and the Ex-Head Chef parried it.

Lynn whispered, "RoRo, I think that you should probably stop this before they take it too far…"

Roman nodded. "Yeah, that would probably be a good idea. Seth watches too many Samurai movies, so he might actually be dangerous… And don't call me RoRo!"

Lynn shook her head without taking her eyes off the grand swordfight (or butcher knife/spatula fight). "That's your new nickname, RoRo. You called me Babygirl; I'll call you RoRo."

RoRo, ahem, Roman rolled his eyes and pulled a rounded serving platter cover off of a vacated table. He held the cover in front of his chest like a shield. "What should I call you then?"

Lynn met his gaze and smiled. "I'm partial to Lynn."

Roman debated whether he should pick up the pair of serving tongs, too. "It is a good name."

Lynn grinned. "I'm fond of it."

"Okay, if I make it out of this alive, I'll call you Lynn. Deal?" Roman wielded the serving tongs in front of the domed cover.

"Deal"

Roman charged into the epic duel bravely and with no heed for his personal well-being.

Lynn's eyes widened as she saw Seth quickly pull back his daring assault, narrowly missing Roman. "Ro, watch out!"

Meanwhile, the Ex-Head Chef smacked Roman on the shield with the spatula.

A hollow dong rang out, and Roman gave the guy a completely unimpressed look.

Seth took advantage of the Ex-Head Chef's distraction and quickly disarmed the man of his spatula with a series of swift twists with his knife. "HA!" He pointed his knife at the Ex-Head Chef. "You lose! I'm the champ!"

The Ex-Head Chef hung his head in defeat. "I admit your skills with the blade outweigh my ability with the spatula. I bow to a master. I will humbly take my leave now."

Seth narrowed his eyes. "I accept your surrender. You were a noble adversary." Seth dropped the butcher knife, and the Ex-Head Chef walked away from the victor with honor.

Roman glanced between the two men and decided that there was no longer any threat. He dropped his shield and serving tongs.

Lynn walked over to the two. "That was really weird."

Seth grinned. "I wouldn't expect an outsider to understand our ancient ways."

Lynn raised an eyebrow. "What ancient ways? Does Crossfit have ancient ways now?"

Seth pouted. "I meant, the ancient ways of the Samurai…"

Lynn glanced at Roman who had a huge grin his face. "Suuure"

"Whatever," Seth mumbled. "You guys are no fun. I fend off a crazy Chef and you just doubt me…"

Roman put a hand on Seth's shoulder and said soothingly, "We know you have mad ninja skills."

Seth rolled his eyes. His phone began to vibrate, so he chose to forgo a response in favor of pulling out his phone. "What the heck? I keep on getting all of these notifications."

Lynn glanced away from the two brothers to see Dean walking towards them. "Hey darling, I was wondering where you went."

Lynn smiled. "You wouldn't believe what just happened. Seth-"

Seth swore loudly at his phone.

He looked up at Roman, Lynn, and Dean. "You won't believe what was just uploaded onto Twitter."

"What?"

Seth flipped his phone around to show them a photo of Seth sword fighting the Ex-Head Chef with Roman and Lynn watching in the background horrified.

Dean cackled. "What the hell did I miss?"

Lynn covered her face with one of her hands. "This is horrible."

Seth's frown deepened. "There's more." He took his phone back and made a few swipes before turning it around again. The new photos showed Dean and Lynn from the earlier crazed fan incident. In the photo, both Lynn and Dean looked alarmed at the people around their table and were staring at the red head with wide eyes. Seth navigated the phone to another photo where Lynn was shooting the redhead death glares and was winding up for the near-punch.

"Oh, this is embarrassing…" Lynn hid even further behind her hands.

"But there's also this one." Seth navigated to another photo. This one showed Roman, holding the accordion and wearing a very cheesy and slightly loopy smile.

"Oh hell no!" Roman said as he snatched the phone out of Seth's hands to take a closer look.

Seth couldn't help the grin that exploded on his face. "I wonder what creative will do with this one. Maybe we found you a new gimmick?"

Dean sniggered as Seth ducked Roman's swipe. "Well, as much fun as this is, I think Lynn probably wants to get going. Right, sweetie?"

Lynn nodded. "Yes, please. It was nice seeing you guys again…even if it wasn't the most normal circumstances."

Roman and Seth grinned at her sheepishly.

Seth gave her a hug and said, "Take care of yourself, Lynn. It's always a pleasure."

Roman gave her hug, too. "See you soon, Babygirl."

Dean fist bumped the two. "I'll deal with you, knuckleheads later."

Lynn made a face. "See you, RoRo!"

As she and Dean were leaving, she heard Seth sniggering and asking, "RoRo?"

* * *

 **A/N:** Let me just say, that the second half of this chapter (the entire sword fight and artistic crisis of the Chef) nearly wrote itself. I'm not sure where it came from, and I'm actually kind of curious to find out... All I know is that it is a strange place. Actually, I'm thinking that it's probably a result of the cold medicine, which I was taking while writing this part. (It's so annoying to be sick, but I'm mostly better now.) Recently, Captainbartholomew seems to blame a lot ( at least when it comes to my eccentricities) on NyQuil. She had the audacity to suggest that I was fixated on the idea of Seth with puppies because my brain was under the influence of NyQuil! Pu-lease, I think that those are two unrelated occurrences. But my rambling point is that if she can pin the blame on it, then I will as well! So there! Blame the NyQuil! :P

Now whoever reads and withholds a review will be served Casu Marzu... But whoever reviews will be saved by Roman and Seth. :)


	5. Chapter 4: Inconceivable!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything really... Nothing WWE related (except for the Seth Rollins ugly sweater and gingerbread ornament that Captain gave me for Christmas because she's the best friend a girl could have!) and I don't own Hello by Adele.

 **A/N:** So this is the last chapter of this First Date from Hell...which is actually quite sad to me. Maybe if the fancy strikes, I'll revisit them and write some more one shots...

* * *

The atmosphere in the car was tense, and a heavy silence fell upon them. It was awkward to say the least.

Lynn was dreading what was about to transpire, and to further add insult to injury, _Hello_ by Adele began to play on the radio. Either the DJ had terrible timing, or the universe was speaking to her. Lynn sighed. "So Dean, we need to talk."

Dean groaned as he began to navigate them back to Lynn's house. "I was afraid of that."

Lynn frowned. "You make it sound like an evil thing."

"Nothing ever good comes after those words…and I know that tonight was seriously horrible. "

Lynn's frown deepened, but she still nodded. "I know that it's not really your fault though. Pretty much everything that went wrong was out of our hands." She sighed. "I had fun with you…when it was just you and me, but that didn't seem to happen very often. I almost think that tonight was a sign that maybe we aren't meant to date. It seemed like nothing happened the way it was supposed to. Maybe that's the universe's way of saying that we just aren't meant to be boyfriend and girlfriend."

She paused. "I'm sorry. I really do like hanging out with you! You're great, and you make me laugh…Maybe we could still be friends. And I don't mean that in the clichéd way, but actually still be friends!"

Dean pulled into her driveway and sat, quietly for a couple of moments after Lynn finished before he said, "Yeah, I'd like that, too."

Lynn smiled. "We can start tonight if you want? We never actually got to eat, so we can cook off some frozen pizzas and watch a movie or two? Only if you want to though."

Dean grinned. "I'd like that."

Lynn mirrored his grin. "Come on then. Let's pick something out."

The two found their way into Lynn's house. Lynn prepped the pizzas while Dean dug through her movies.

"Princess Bride?"

"Sounds good to me!"

Soon enough, they were settled in, pigging out on pepperoni pizza and mouthing lines along with the characters in the movie.

About halfway through the movie, Lynn's cell phone rang. Dean put the movie on pause as Lynn answered her phone.

"Greg the farm hand," she whispered to him as she walked away, talking on the phone. A couple of minutes later, she came back into the living room. "So I guess that heifer didn't calve earlier."

Dean shrugged. "Okay?"

"So that means that she's probably really close now to calving, so I need to check on her. Do you wanna come with?"

"Sure"

Dean followed Lynn out to the barn and to a pen, where the heifer in question was waiting. He watched as Lynn walked around the cow, checking her out.

"Holy crap, she's definitely ready. See that here?" Lynn asked pointing to the cow's tail region.

Dean stepped closer to the cow and swore. "Is that normal?"

Lynn glanced at Dean and grinned. "That is her water bag and the front hooves of the calf. She's already begun. Come one, Mr. Lunatic Fringe. I might need your help."

* * *

One successful, calving later saw Lynn settling the newly born calf into a bed of hay and petting its fluffy head and ears. She stood and sighed: tired after the grueling process but content that the calf was healthy. Overall, it had been comparatively easy and quick. She just hoped that Dean wasn't too traumatized.

Dean smiled, not his signature smirk but a real smile. He walked towards where Lynn was now patting the mother heifer on the back. As she turned around slightly with one hand still on the cow, he took that as his opportunity to close the gap between them. He placed one hand on top of hers on the heifer and lowly leaned down.

He didn't say anything. At this point, words would only ruin the moment. Instead, he smiled again at her confused, wide eyed look. Closing the remaining distance between them, he kissed her in a way that seemed so unlike him: something soft, something almost tentative and shy. After what seemed like a stretch of time that was both too long and too short, he drew back, fearing that he crossed some sort of line.

Lynn's eyes were still a little wide, but she smiled. She lifted the hand that wasn't covered by Dean's and placed it on the back of his head to pull him close. Then she pressed her lips against his. After a couple of moments, they parted once again.

"That doesn't seem like something just friends would do." Dean's smirk was playing at the edges of his mouth.

Lynn grinned. "Maybe I spoke too soon about being just friends."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, maybe it was unfair of me to call it quits so soon. Maybe we should actually try before we stay just friends."

Dean laughed. "Maybe we can actually go on a date without my idiot brothers ruining everything."

Lynn nodded up at Dean. "They mean well, but you have a point there."

Dean sighed. "I can't take them anywhere."

Lynn laughed. "No, you really can't."

"Besides," Dean said. "The way I see it, I owe you another date; one that's completely my way. A cheesy diner, more of a _Ma and Pa_ type of place with breakfast food served 24/7. Sound good to you?"

"You know, that sounds perfect to me." Dean grinned as Lynn placed her arms around his shoulders, and he leaned forward to kiss her again.

They broke apart finally when Lynn's phone began to chirp from the barn's doorway where she had set it on a bench to protect it from the calving.

"You don't have to check that right now."

Lynn shrugged. "It might be important. With my luck, it'll be another head's up from Greg, telling me that he forgot about another heifer that's close to calving tonight."

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically. "Alright. Just make it fast, darling." He leaned back against the heifer's side, who apparently didn't appreciate being used as Dean's resting point. The heifer moo'd loudly and shuffled forward, causing Dean to fall backwards and wobble before catching himself.

"Very smooth"

Dean pulled a face at her. "I caught myself, like uh- like a cat. Nimble, on my feet."

Lynn rolled her eyes and grinned as she walked over to grab her phone. Looking at the text she received, she laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"My friend, Cayla… Apparently, she saw those pictures that the people uploaded of tonight's Date from Hell on Twitter. She's freaking out, asking me if I'm okay."

"Why wouldn't you be okay?"

Lynn's phone chirped again. "I mean, I look completely miserable in a couple of them. And apparently, she thought I was going to rip the ring rat's red hair from the roots, so she's telling me that she'll…" Lynn's eyes grew wide as she said, "Oh wow, I'm not even sure what that means?"

"What what means?" Dean had walked over to where Lynn was standing and was trying to read over her shoulder.

Lynn clicked out a new text on her keyboard, and her phone chirped back almost immediately and then it chirped again a couple of seconds later. She let out a nervous laugh. "How the hell does she even know what that is? Jeez, that girl knows way too much about various types of executions throughout history…"

Now Dean's eyes were wide, too. "Wait, what?"

Lynn shook her head. "She's just worried. She seems to think that it's all your fault... I think that she's entering her Momma-Bear mode, which is arguably worse than Roman's Mother Hen mode."

Dean scratched his head. "Is she going to kill me?"

Lynn shrugged and grinned at him. "Not if I mention Seth Rollins...which I will, only because you owe me a make-up date, and we can't go on one if she," Lynn glanced at her phone before continuing, "succeeds in garroting you."

For a moment, Dean looked temped to ask what garroting meant, but he seemed to dismiss that thought. "So are you saying what I think you are? You definitely want a second date?"

Lynn smiled. "I think that's exactly what I'm saying. Only this time, you leave the crazy brothers home, and we'll choose a different restaurant."

"Darling, I think we have ourselves a deal." He leaned down and kissed Lynn. As Lynn kissed him back, she decided that she quite enjoyed kissing the Lunatic Fringe. And as she threaded her hands in his unruly curls, she thought that even though things didn't go how she had expected, the night couldn't have gone any better.

* * *

So fun facts to save you from googling it: Garrote is a a method of capital punishment of Spanish origin in which an iron collar was tightened around a condemned person's neck until death occurred by strangulation or by injury to the spinal column at the base of the brain... So Cayla is just very creative in her threats.

I'm toying with the idea of writing the stupid diner date but that would be very fluffy and romancey... Perhaps or maybe not...

Thanks everyone for reading this. Please leave me a review and tell me what you think. :)


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